Quotes From Jerry Seinfeld|50 Best Quotes & Wallpaper

Quotes From Jerry Seinfeld will tickle you and give you some hard life lessons as well.

Jerome Allen Seinfeld is a famous American stand-up comedian.

He has also acted in his semi-fictionalized version of himself.

The man is one of its kind when it comes to observational comedy.

In this article, we have brought together the 50 best Quotes From Jerry Seinfeld so that you can enjoy and learn from this wise fellow.

So without wandering here and there, let’s get straight to Jerry Seinfeld Quotes.

Enjoy!

Quotes From Jerry Seinfeld

Quotes From Jerry Seinfeld

Jerry Seinfeld Quotes

Quotes Jerry Seinfeld 

1- “Sometimes the road less travelled is less traveled for a reason.”

2- “To me, if life boils down to one thing, it’s movement. To live is to keep moving.”

3- “You have to motivate yourself with challenges. That’s how you know you’re still alive.”

4- “Marriage is like a game of chess except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.”

5- “Pay attention, don’t let life go by you. Fall in love with the back of your cereal box.”

6- “Forty to 60 I would say is your prime. That’s when you know the most, you’ve seen the most, you understand the most, and you still have some physical energy.”

7- “I am so busy doing nothing… that the idea of doing anything – which as you know, always leads to something – cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything.”

8- “There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.”

9- “I like definitive things.”

10- “It’s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.”

11- “I think it’s funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive.”

12- “Men want to make women happy.”

13- “The greatest thing about being a comedian is knowing other comedians. And you get to talk to them. Its the most fun.”

14- “When someone does a small task beautifully, their whole environment is affected by it.”

15- “Once you start doing only what you’ve already proven you can do, you’re on the road to death.”

Famous Jerry Seinfeld Quotes

16- “The best revenge is living well.”

17- “I don’t want to hear the specials. If they’re so special, put ’em on the menu.”

18- “Well, all comedy starts with anger. You get angry, and its never for a good reason, right? You know its not a good reason. And then you try and work it from there.”

19- “If you’re a surfer, you just want to surf. You don’t know if anyone’s going to see you, and you don’t really care if they see you. You just live for that feeling.”

20- “We want to do a lot of stuff; we’re not in great shape. We didn’t get a good night’s sleep. We’re a little depressed. Coffee solves all these problems in one delightful little cup.”

Quotes From Jerry Seinfeld

21- “I can walk through a hotel lobby and watch people at the desk and see what they’re doing. People don’t look at me. They don’t even know I’m there.”

22- “I like money, but it’s never been about the money.”

23- “I kind of thought that stand-up comedy would suffer from the Internet because people seem to know more about the craft of stand-up than ever before. I thought it would seem trite. Kind of like if you know more about magicians, you wouldn’t love them.”

24- “A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.”

25- “If a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it a success?”

26- “Make no mistake about why these babies are here – they are here to replace us.”

27- “The truth is, I had always wanted to be a comedian, but I really didn’t have that kind of personality, and it’s a terrifying thing to say.”

28- “Being a stand-up is my mission in life; it’s my passion. My ongoing goal is to simply be funny, on my own, in front of a roomful of strangers.”

29- “My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that’s the law.”

30- “Funny is the world I live in. You’re funny, I’m interested. You’re not funny, I’m not interested.”

Famous Jerry Seinfeld Quotes

31- “The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh, and Make people talk like you because it’s so much fun.”

32- “Life is truly a ride. We’re all strapped in and no one can stop it. When the doctor slaps your behind, he’s ripping your ticket and away you go. As you make each passage from youth to adulthood to maturity, sometimes you put your arms up and scream, sometimes you just hang on to that bar in front of you. But the ride is the thing. I think the most you can hope for at the end of life is that your hair’s messed, you’re out of breath, and you didn’t throw up.”

33- “You know you’re getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It’s like, ‘See if you can blow this out.'”

34- “Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there’s no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door.”

35- “People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.”

36- “You can be passionate about anything.”

37- “For me, it’s a purity thing about the joke itself. It’s a test of a joke whether or not you do it completely clean and it works. If it does, then that’s a legitimate item you have there. For me, it’s nothing to do with finding those words offensive. It’s just not what I’m in search of. Do it clean, and you are really earning that laugh.”

38- “And that’s when I realized, when you’re a kid you don’t need a costume, you ARE superman.”

39- “According to most studies, people’s number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right? This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you’re better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.”

40- “A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.”

Quotes From Jerry Seinfeld

41- “When you interrupt, you’ve stopped listening. People need to be heard.”

42- “The first real thought that I had of something that I might do was to write for car magazines, because I always had a car thing.”

43- “My theory is 98 percent of all human endeavor is killing time.”

44- “If I want a long boring story with no point to it, I have my life.”

45- “I have this old ’57 Porsche Speedster, and the way the door closes, I’ll just sit there and listen to the sound of the latch going, ‘cluh-CLICK-click.’ That door! I live for that door. Whatever the opposite of planned obsolescence is, that’s what I’m into.”

Quotes From Jerry Seinfeld

46- “You know, crankiness is at the essence of all comedy.”

47- “I love being a dad. I just love it.”

48- “Stand-up is hard.”

49- “There [are] just two things I’d need to find out everything I want to know about everyone: 1) Let me see them drive; 2) let me hear them talk about marriage … That’s going to tell me exactly your relationship to the world.”

50- “I’ll tell you one thing, since I’m married, single people look absolutely ridiculous to me.”

Conclusion

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