Steve Martin Quotes are as funny as a clown!
It will tickle you real hard in the belly with a tinge of bitter truth.
We have tailor-made this article with exclusive Quotes By Steve Martin to acquaint you with his work.
Steve Martin also known as Stephen Glenn Martin is an American actor, comedian, writer, producer, and musician.
Below is a list of entertaining and inspiring Steve Martin Quotes.
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Table of Contents
Steve Martin Quotes
Steve Martin Quotes
Quotes By Steve Martin
Steve Martin Quote
Steve Martin Famous Quotes
1- “It’s pain that changes our lives.”
2- “The greatest thing you can do is surprise yourself.”
3- “I’ve heard lots of people lie to themselves but they never fool anyone.”
4- “Writing is something I took up rather than anything I had an inclination toward. I like acting -delivering someone else’s message – but writing is more of an accomplishment.”
5- “To me, torture would be, “I can’t think what to write in the next sentence. I’m stuck.” Torture would be if you didn’t have the next idea.”
Steve Martin Quotes
6- “If you’ve got a dollar and you spend 29 cents on a loaf of bread, you’ve got 71 cents left; But if you’ve got seventeen grand and you spend 29 cents on a loaf of bread, you’ve still got seventeen grand. There’s a math lesson for you.”
7- “The conscious mind is the editor, and the subconscious mind is the writer.”
8- “I would assign every lie a color: yellow when they were innocent, pale blue when they sailed over you like the sky, red because I knew they drew blood. And then there was the black lie. That’s the worst of all. A black lie was when I told you the truth. ”
9- “I happened to take a photo, and there was my wife, my dog and my banjo, all in the same shot – and I thought, “Oh, that’s like a family portrait right there.”
10- “She has learned that her body is precious and it mustn’t be offered carelessly ever again, as it holds a direct connection to her heart.”
Steve Martin Quotes
11- “The banjo is such a happy instrument–you can’t play a sad song on the banjo – it always comes out so cheerful.”
12- “I understood that as much as I had resisted the outside, as much as I had constricted my life, as much as I had closed and narrowed the channels into me, there were still many takers for the quiet heart.”
13- “You have to get comfortable [with your work], you really have to know what you’re doing, and it has to be almost boring to you to be able to do it well.”
14- “At first I had no skills in writing comedy. I didn’t know what a joke was, but, as someone once told me, your emotions follow your intent. If you create the intention of starting a comedy act, slowly your mind starts adjusting and you arrive at a new emotional state.”
15- “It [live performance] is just very difficult. Doing an hour, hour and a half of live standup is an endurance test. You almost have to do it every day to stay up on it.”
Steve Martin Quotes
16- “I think films are about having a good time, so I don’t know that there’s a message. The message of a film is always what a critic writes, and the fun of a film or the emotion of a film is what the audience feels.”
17- “Home to me is when someone comes up to me and says, “Can I get a selfie?” No. It’s where your wife and your family are. It’s the emotional place where you feel like you’re not away from it.”
18- “Some nights, alone, he thinks of her, and some nights, alone, she thinks of him. Some night these thoughts, separated by miles and time zones, occur at the same objective moment, and Ray and Mirabelle are connected without ever knowing it.”
19- “A friend of mine once asked how to make it in show business and I said “Be so good that they can’t ignore you.” She thought I was being flip but it’s true. The challenge is trying to live up to the opportunities given me.”
20- “When I first started doing my stand-up act, I played the banjo, did comedy, magic tricks, juggled, read poetry. I stuck it all in. I didn’t know you were supposed to just stand up and tell jokes. Essentially, that’s what my act became: those five elements – except I dropped the poetry.”
Steve Martin Quotes
21- “So much emotion can be brought in an animated film that’s very hard to get in a live-action film. I haven’t quite put my finger on why, but it might be because the characters can make facial expression that, if you made them in a movie, they’d call them corny.”
Steve Martin Funny Quotes
22- “A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.”
23- “I was seeking comic originality, and fame fell on me as a byproduct.”
24- “Comedy is not pretty.”
25- “Some people have a way with words, and other people…oh, uh, not have way.”
Steve Martin Quotes
26- “I’ve got to keep breathing. It’ll be my worst business mistake if I don’t.”
27- “How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars.”
28- “Thankfully, persistence is a great substitute for talent.”
29- “I just gave my cat a bath. Now how do I get all this fur off my tongue?”
30- “You know, you’re really nobody in L.A. unless you live in a house with a really big door”
Steve Martin Quotes
31- “I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.”
32- “Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.”
33- “What is comedy? Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke.”
34- “A celebrity is any well-known TV or movie star who looks like he spends more than two hours working on his hair.”
35- “I would say the three stages of making a film are the initial ‘are we gonna do this,’ ‘how much will I be paid,’ is there a lot of nights, who’s it going to be with? The second stage of doing a film is how much fun your going to have doing it. The third stage is was the film a hit?”
Steve Martin Quotes
36- “I just downloaded eleven hundred books onto my Kindle, and now I can’t lift it.”
37- “I love doing my surreal sing-along that had words that no one could follow.”
38- “With comedy, you have no place to go but more comedy, so you’re never off the hook.”
39- “I believe entertainment can aspire to be art, and can become art, but if you set out to make art you’re an idiot.”
40- “Chaos in the midst of chaos isn’t funny, but chaos in the midst of order is.”
Steve Martin Quotes
41- “… you’re nuts but you’re welcome here.”
42- “Despite a lack of natural ability, I did have the one element necessary to all early creativity: naïveté, that fabulous quality that keeps you from knowing just how unsuited you are for what you are about to do.”
43- “I’m tired of wasting letters when punctuation will do, period.”
44- “Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you’ll be a mile away and have his shoes.”
45- “I saw the movie, ‘Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon’ and was surprised because I didn’t see any tigers or dragons. And then I realized why: they’re crouching and hidden.”
Steve Martin Quotes
46- “How is it possible to miss a woman whom you kept at a distance, so that when she was gone you would not miss her?”
47- “Boy, those French! They have a different word for everything.”
48- “I used to smoke marijuana. But I’ll tell you something: I would only smoke it in the late evening. Oh, occasionally the early evening, but usually the late evening – or the mid-evening. Just the early evening, mid-evening and late evening. Occasionally, early afternoon, early mid-afternoon, or perhaps the late-mid-afternoon. Oh, sometimes the early-mid-late-early morning. . . . But never at dusk.”
49- “I’m not trying to be a big shot or anything like that, but I get my drinks half price.”
50- “First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.”
Steve Martin Quotes
51- “I believe in equality. Equality for everybody. No matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them.”
52- “I studied with the Maharishi for many years, and really didn’t learn that much. But one thing that he taught me, I’ll never forget: ‘ALWAYS…’ no, wait– ‘NEVER…’ no, wait, it was ‘ALWAYS carry a litter bag in your car. It doesn’t take up much room, and if it gets full, you can toss it out the window.’”
53- “Communication has changed so rapidly in the last 20 years, it’s almost impossible to predict what might occur even in the next decade. E-mail, which now sends data hurtling across vast distances at the speed of light, has replaced primitive forms of communication such as smoke signals, which sent data hurtling across vast distances at the speed of light.”
54- “I just respected comedians whether they were or they weren’t, from, you know, new or old.”
55- “As much as I remember, I just thought, I want to sing a song that starts normal and ends crazy.”
Steve Martin Inspirational Quotes
56- “Writer’s block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.”
57- “Through the years, I have learned there is no harm in charging oneself up with delusions between moments of valid inspiration.”
58- “I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper.”
59- “…it is not the big events that hurt the most but rather the smallest questionable shift in tone at the end of a spoken word that can plow most deeply into the heart.”
60- “I don’t really manage my time. I really just wait until I’m inspired to do something. And when I’m inspired to do something, it just happens.”
Steve Martin Quotes
61- “Your only guidepost is your own instinct and judicious editing. In my stand-up act I learned that in the first 10 minutes I could say anything and it would get a laugh. Then I’d better deliver. In the movie it’s the same thing. You get a lot of laughs when people first sit down and then the story better kick in. Many years in front of an audience, I would hope, give me a sense of what works.”
62- “I cringe at backstory. Because it never quite explains or gets into some psychological thing that is never quite right and never quite the truth and who knows why someone is some way.”
63- “We’ve had some fun tonight…considering we’re all gonna die someday.”
64- “In a strange way, I don’t have a job, so I have a lot of time on my hands. When I do work, it might be very concentrated, and it might be months where you’re not really doing anything except maybe playing the banjo or writing something. You know, there’s a lot of time in the day if you’re not working 9 to 5.”
65- “Whether I’m involved in creating something or not, it’s a personal issue of do I respect it. But you can only know that five or ten years later.”
66- “I did a lot of things when I first started out. In order to be in show business, I juggled, I did magic tricks, cards tricks and I played the banjo.”
Steve Martin Quotes
67- “I didn’t come from a wealthy family. I had no money. Maybe it goes back to naivete which is your greatest asset when you’re young. If I was starting in comedy today and if it didn’t work the first time, I’d probably quit. But I kept at it, kept at it.”
68- “I was not naturally talented. I didn’t sing, dance or act, though working around that minor detail made me inventive.”
69- “I wish I could do a lot of things different. I’m not going to tell you what they are, but if I had a list of all my films right now, I’d go, ‘Okay, I’ll cross that one out and cross that one out and cross that one out and cross that one out.’ Really. But I’ve made over 40 films. How can I not have some losers in there?”
70- “It’s like painting the same blank canvas over and over and over and over and over. Once the concept is known, you don’t need to see two. And that was in the back of my head, that I was really done artistically with what I had created or pastiched.”
Steve Martin Quotes From The Jerk
71- “These cans are defective!”
72- “The new phone book’s here… I’m a somebody now.”
73- “You Belong to Me”
74- “Good luck. The Lord loves a working man, don’t trust whitey, see a doctor and get rid of it. Bye Grandma!”
75- “He hates these cans!”
Steve Martin Quotes
76- “Well I’m gonna go then. And I don’t need any of this. I don’t need this stuff, and I don’t need you. I don’t need anything except this.”
77- “When I was a kid, my mom told me THAT was my special purpose…”
78- “First I get my name in the phone book and now I’m on your ass. You know, I’ll bet more people see that than the phone book.”
79- “He doesn’t realize he’s dealing with sophisticated people here.”
Steve Martin Quote Be So Good
80- “Be so good they can’t ignore you.”
Steve Martin Quotes Planes Trains And Automobiles
81- “This is Czechoslovakian ivory.”
82- “Y’know, the finest line a man’ll walk is between success at work and success at home. I got a motto – like your work, love your wife.”
83- “Oh, he’s drunk. How would he know where we’re going?”
84- “Larry Bird doesn’t do as much ball-handling in one night as you do in an hour.”
Steve Martin Quotes Father Of The Bride
85- “No. How I know I’ll remember this moment for the rest of my life.”
86- “Dad!”
87- “Well, welcome to the nineties, Mr. Banks!”
88- “I only invited one person: Cameron. Mom said I could have a friend there.”
Steve Martin Movie Quotes
89- “Some of these buildings are over 20 years old.”
90- “Five o’clock Christmas morning, I run downstairs and look under the tree and what do I find? Uncle Alfresco, dead on the floor, shot through the back of the head. Plus no bicycle. It was a disappointing Christmas on many levels.”
Steve Martin Quotes
91- “- Lucky Day: Dusty, how do you like your bat?
- Dusty Bottoms: Medium rare.”
92- “- Grandma: You know, when I was nineteen, Grandpa took me on a roller coaster.
- Gil: Oh?
- Grandma: Up, down, up, down. Oh, what a ride!
- Gil: What a great story.”
93- “Why is it that we don’t always recognize the moment when love begins but we always know when it ends?”
94- “Wow! You’re a genius. You’re like the Ernest Hemingway of bullshit.”
95- “When you’re reaching for a star, there’s a long way to fall.”
96- “Nothing’s gonna make it go away, until someone changes something, which is not going to happen. I can’t pretend it isn’t there because that it is a lie, and when art lies, it becomes worthless.”
Steve Martin Roxanne Quotes
97- “When you’re reaching for a star, there’s a long way to fall.”
98- “You see, I am and I will always be the one who loved you without limits.”
99- ” Sometimes I take a walk at night and I see couples walking, holding hands and I look at them and I think: “Why not me?”. Then I catch my shadow on the wall…”
Conclusion
Quotes By Steve Martin will tickle you to the floor!
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